Why are young people putting more time into finding and maintaining relationships than pursuing personal goals? It wasn’t too long ago that I was the young lady deeply in love with a man that was so vividly not for me. All the signs we’re slapping me in my face, PHYSICALLY. So, why did I stay? I stayed because the relationship with my parents was pretty much nonexistent. My mother was an amazing woman but she wasn’t open to girl talk. My father just wasn’t invested. Ok so that leaves a young girl in the inner city trying to figure who she is, what she likes and where her life is going.
I’ve always been a church girl which if preachers new the things I was doing then, they would have locked the doors. I wasn’t a bad girl; I had bit of an attitude, hated for anyone to tell me anything and hated to be accused of wrong doing. That’s typical teenage behavior. I started having sex pretty early. I wasn’t looking for love but when it got me, I was way too invested for a 15 year old. Not having anyone to talk to probably didn’t help.
Let’s skip the gritty details. Self evaluation is a great tool. Because I didn’t know my worth, I let some lost young man tell me what I was worth. I let him put a price on my body. I sold myself for way below market value. I don’t completely blame him for his jacked up ways. He didn’t have anyone to tell him how valuable he was either. So you have 2 kids that have no idea what love is controlling each other pretending to be in love. This is happening everyday to our young kids. Lost kids are falling in love with other lost kid, which eventually morphs into a tornado of destruction that often leads to reproduction of the storm. Lost kids, have lost babies and continue the cycle until someone is brave enough to say “I’m better than this, this cycle stops now.”
How did I get out? I had to get away from him – I decided that school was my best option. I’ve always loved reading books, so college just seemed like a natural transition. I applied to 2 schools. I got in and I was ghost. Letting a dude that had no life aspirations keep me stuck wasn’t an option. Besides that my mother wasn’t having a fast tail girl lying around her house. She made it clear way before graduation I needed to do something with my life. I know this situation sounds familiar to a lot of young ladies. Some still stayed at home trying to hold on to the love of a man that would lead to their demise.
I’m fortunate that I had someone to push me. My mother’s love was tough love; regardless it pushed me in the right direction. My mother had made the same mistakes she saw me making but she decided enough was enough. Although she wasn’t up for the girl talk, she was always up for talk about prosperity. I desperately wanted a better life and she pushed me towards it.
What I did miss is someone telling me why I should focus on my school work and future. Everyone says how important college is but not many people take the time to break down why the college experience is important. College changed my life for the better. We have to push our youth and explain why they need to succeed. We need to let then know that love isn’t going anywhere.
Having someone to confide in is very important but listening is even more important. People give out million dollar advice everyday but on a small percentage listen and an even smaller percentage pursue the advice. Don’t despise wise words. Those words can alter your path forever, just as sleeping with the wrong individual can tie you to that person forever.
I share my experience with you with the hope that you can learn from my mistakes and realize if you’re jacked up now you don’t have to stay that way. We all have choices. Even if it’s only one small voice that’s telling you that you’re special, hold on to that voice until it becomes the loudest voice in your life.
Love yourself first,
Sincerely,
The Inspiration Educator
Mommy Making Moves by LaChanel Hemphill 