Category: parenting

Hard Lesson in Parenting: I can’t save my son from everything

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Had a dream that my son and I were at the top of a mountain enjoying the view – suddenly he fell down a hole in the mountain.

Of course, I tried my hardest to climb down and pull him up ( the dream ended with me trying to save my son. Not sure of the outcome)

My mind was racing all night trying to understand that dream. I talked it out with God and the conclusion was My parenting can get my son to the mountain top but only he can keep his self there.

Chief_Mountain

As a parent, I have to prepare my son spiritually, mentally and physically to overcome challenges before they come, because mommy can’t always save him.

That was a tough dream to have. I was fighting tears back, while figuring out what I could have done to keep him from falling.

 

  • I should’ve never took my eyes off him.
  • I should have had him anchored to me.
  • I should have emphasized safety more.

I was analyzing the heck out this dream ya’ll. Let me add this in, I rarely remember my dreams. Rarely is probably closer to NEVER.

So this dream about my son could not be ignored. The reality is that we can try our hardest to make sure our kids have everything they need in life, but LIFE will still happen to them. What’s more important than what we give them, is what we teach them.

  • Good grades are great, but are we teaching them how to cope when they get a bad grade.
  • Stylish clothes are awesome, but are we teaching them how to give to others.
  • Being popular is valuable, but are they limited their opportunities by only associating with certain people.
  • Going to church is a start, but are we teaching them to act on the lessons in the Bible.

Everyday we have to check ourselves and ask: Are we preparing our kids to conquer life without us? 

5 "Other" Reasons Women are Single Mothers

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I’m bothered by people who were raised by single parents, but bash single parents. Specifically, single mothers. According to America Single Mothers are the demise of whole communities – I’m not going to go there today. 

Back to these bitter, single mom babies. Maybe their experience was traumatic, filled with not enough hugs, support or Nike’s. I don’t know. I’m actually speculating – they could have been raised in a loving 2 parent household. If that’s the case, they should really shut the hell up. If I sound hostile it’s because I take offense. 
My mom was tough, but did well with her 3 kids. Honestly – for real, for real, I wouldn’t be the proud woman I am if it wasn’t for her influence. I’m not talking about just getting a college degree either. I’m talking about how I feel about myself. I’m confident in my abilities and ideas. I treat people with respect. I value family. That came from the 3 single moms that raised me. 
And I never heard them complain about having to raise their kids alone. 
So when someone says, “Single moms, should make better choices.” I say, many of them do. For whatever reason the dad isn’t around, many single moms make the best decisions for their families daily. 
Yes, taking care of a child alone is rough – but single mothers understand the important job they have. They will make mistakes, all parents do. 

Who is to say things would be any better with a father in the home. Fathers that want to be fathers add value to the home, but a man that doesn’t prioritize family could be detrimental to the entire family. Again, we don’t know every single mothers story. I’d rather for a woman to walk away from a bad situation, opposed to letting her kids see behavior that could damage them for life. 
And I’m not bashing dads. It’s just that a single dad is seen as amazing and single mothers are seen as less than human. 

And about dads – Why do we automatically assume that a man is a dead beat or the mother is a woman that makes pour decisions in men. The world is so much bigger than those people we see on our timelines. Making judgements based on the 3 ratchet chicks that post all day just isn’t logical. 
There are more reasons than the obvious for why a woman is holding down her house alone. 

5 “Other” Reasons Women are Single Mothers 
1. The father passed away from an illness, active duty or other reason
2. The father decided not to be involved with the child or mother
3. The mother made a conscious decision to raise her child without a father 
4. The mother adopted a child, was artificially inseminated or is taking care of a child she didn’t give birth to
5. A traumatic experience led to her pregnancy and parenting alone is the safest choice 
So instead of assuming single moms are these horrible helpless women, think of all the amazing people you’ve encountered in your life. I guarantee some of them were raised by single women. 

3 Songs On the Radio Your Kids Shouldn’t be Singing

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I’m a lover of hard beats, catchy lyrics and almost anything I can dance to. Which is why I absolutely understand why kids love urban music. I hesitate to call it rap or hip hop music, since those genres of music originated to say something worth saying. 
The music heard on radio waves today have four main story lines: Sex, drugs, money or heartbreak. I don’t know about you but my babies are too young to be singing about any of these things.
Here are 3 songs our kids shouldn’t be singing:
1.) I’m in love with the CoCo by O.T. Genasis – The beat has made this a club banger but the constant mentions about drugs has made it a no no to sing in my house. Although you could tell your kids CoCo is for CoCoa Puffs, some adult would mess up the fairy tale by telling your kid the truth. 

2.) I don’t mind by Usher ft. Juicy J –  I’m all for women’s liberation and men finally understanding that a woman’s body is her own but I’m not encouraging any girls to dance on poles. Nope not going to happen.

3.) Throw Some Mo by Ray Sremmurd ft. Nicki Minaji – Now I love some Nicki. However, that doesn’t mean I’ll allow my kids or any kids in my home to sing about throwing more money to keep someone dancing. Yeah, let’s find another way to invest your money kids.

This list grows everyday. Now that I think about it I should add those damn Viagra and Condom commercials to this list. No, I’m for real. That’s a whole different post.
How do you talk to your kids about inappropriate  song lyrics?

But, Mommy! No Excuses Approach to Life

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Nothing boils my blood more than someone making excuse and not owning their missteps. This is a huge lesson in my house. I tell The kids all the time to either own it or be quiet and help correct it. People’s first reaction is to blame or deny. If you did it just say “I’ll work to do better.” “I apologize.” “I’ll fix it.” “I’m sorry for making you feel that way.” Or just say “My bad.” Admitting you did something wrong doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human and a lot easier to deal with. 

My Son Changed My View of Men

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God does everything for a reason. When I found out I was having a son the way I viewed men changed. I realized that I wanted to be the type of woman I’d want my son to marry and respect. That pretty much changed how I presented myself and how I treated his father.

Have you had a similar reality check? 

You Got One More Time: Method for Dealing with Non Listening Kids (besides whooping)

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So you’ve whooped your son, taken his favorite game away and he’s still acting up. As parents we’d like to believe our words are enough to encourage the right action. Yeah Right! These smart tale kids are an advanced bread (straight from my granny’s mouth)

I was a teen only 10 years ago and from what I remember, my mom’s yelling voice and whooping threats where like going to the bathroom. It occurred often. It didn’t scare me any more. No I didn’t purposely disobey her. It’s safe to say all her messages stop getting through because I tuned her yelling and threats out.

My mom being the innovative lady she was had another method of communicating. BOOKS! She knew I hated to talk to her about anything but loved to read . Luckily my son loves to read also. He’s tuned out my threats at 4years old. Sad, I know. (Teach your kids with what they like to do.)

Growing up means learning and as much as I’d like to believe my son is perfectly well mannered all the time, he’s not. To help him understand right and wrong we read about different situations and how kids handle them. We then apply those to his life. I have him verbally report what we read and I pray he gets it. (The real test is when he actually applies it)

While we won’t abandon whooping all together there are other methods to explore before I wear myself out chasing a kid,

Share your method of dealing with your kids naughty moments . Email us at mommymakinmoves@gmail.com